


Losing Yourself

by GucciGodTae



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, Breaking Away, Depression, Giving Up, Hopeful Ending, I Projected Onto Tweek, Insecurity, Loss of Motivation, M/M, Projecting onto a character, Sadness, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, YEAH BOYS, distancing, hopelessness, i wrote the beginning in the middle of a suicidal breakdwon, not that romantic, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 20:26:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14433426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GucciGodTae/pseuds/GucciGodTae
Summary: Tweek is losing himself and who he is. Life isn't going good and he's slowly giving up. Tweek really doesn't see the point anymore. Can he be saved?





	Losing Yourself

Tweek was losing motivation. Nothing he did was good enough or to his liking. It’s like life was giving up on him and he was giving up on it. Neither of the two wanted to work together and Tweek was slowly giving up.

He had very small times of peace. He found peace when he was with his friends, but he didn’t get to hang out with them long. And after they parted, he was left even sadder than before.

Tweek tried to write and paint to let out his feelings, but that never worked. He lost the motivation needed to create art and writings. He didn’t see the point in trying anymore. Life was just too much to handle. He didn’t know what to do.

Tweek had nothing left to live for. His friends? They would be fine without him. They would get over it. His parents? They couldn’t care less about him. Tweek was constantly suffering and they never gave him the time of day. Tweek thought about Craig, his boyfriend. The two shared everything with each other. But this time, Tweek couldn’t text him. He could let Craig down anymore. He wouldn’t disappoint Craig again. Tweek couldn’t handle the rejection or disappointed look Craig would give him. Tweek didn’t want pity. He wanted happiness. He wanted true love. Craig couldn’t be his true love. He was just too perfect. Too good for Tweek. Craig would quickly get over him. Tweek wasn’t that good of a boyfriend anyways. Craig could do better. Tweek knew it might take a bit for Craig to understand and get over him, but he would eventually. Tweek was a mistake. Nobody wanted or accepted him.

He spent days upon days alone in his bedroom. Tweek cancelled plans and didn’t go to gathers much anymore. What was there to do? Whenever he was with the group, he was the fifth wheel. The others talked to each other and loved each other more than they did Tweek. Tweek was just the last resort, the afterthought. It seemed that Craig enjoyed Clyde more than he enjoyed Tweek. Tweek couldn’t blame him. He was a handful and he had problems stacked on problems. Tweek didn’t know how to deal with all the emotions he was feeling. What could he do?

He spent years of his life working and being with his group, trying to calm his anxiety and find happiness, only for it to elude him and leave him alone. Good things ran from Tweek as if he was the plague. Tweek reached out a shaky and fragile hand to happiness, but happiness turned away and gave themselves to someone else. It was like Tweek couldn’t have anything good. So Tweek did what life wanted him to do. He gave up. Tweek spent his days working and laying in total darkness in his room. He hardly ate and mostly spent the days sleeping. He read, and when he motivation, wrote. Tweek spent hours writing poetry or fan fiction, sue him. He had his ships, we all do. Tweek spent hours in total darkness. Only turning on a light to get dressed, but Tweek hardly cared about his appearance.

He usually showed up to school in sweatpants and a hoodie with messed up hair and obvious dark circles under his eyes. Tweek had lost any ounce of shame he had. Tweek didn’t have the energy to care about his appearance. Tweek sat in the back of the room for his classes. He skipped lunch to sit in the library. He would do all his homework there. He also did the homework of the next classes that he didn’t do at home. Tweek had things to do at home. Like look at memes and watch vines. Tweek sighed. Why was he even doing his homework? Why did he care this much? If all else failed, he would just continue to work at his parents shop. Tweek continued to do his homework anyway. It passed time and gave him a small sense of pride. Tweek finished as much as he could before the bell rang. He had study hall after lunch, so he spent his study hall in the library. Tweek sighed and paused his music. He stretched and stood up. Tweek walked the perimeter of the library room. He sat back down with a sigh. Life was pointless. This was all pointless. Tweek crossed his arms and laid his head on it. He softly let out some tears. What was he even doing? Tweek didn’t want to do more work. He didn’t even want to be alive. But he was. Tweek looked at the clock. Fuck school. He packed up his stuff and walked out.

Tweek made it home and laid on his bed. He grabbed his phone and crawled under the bed. He pulled the blankets over his head as he wrote on his phone. Tweek had a pretty popular blog where he posted aesthetics and his poetry. Tweek was sure that his blog was the only thing keeping him going at this point. Tweek was finishing up a poem when he heard a knock from downstairs. He was not answering that. No one was supposed to be home. Tweek didn’t even know who could be knocking on his door. He stayed quiet. The knocking stopped and Tweek sighed in relief. Fucking people ruining his day. Tweek hummed and posted on his site. He was under his blankets when he got a text. No one had texted Tweek for months. He stared at the notification.

Craig: hey

 

Tweek stared. Hey? What does that mean? Did Craig want something? Did he want to break up? It wouldn’t be a shock. Tweeks fingers hovered over the keys, as if he forgot how to text. What was he supposed to say?

 

Tweek: hi?

Craig: you weren’t at lunch and I didn’t see you the rest of the day

Tweek: you noticed?

Crag: uh, yeah. Sorry if we’ve been distant for a little

Tweek: little is one way to put it

Craig: what?

Tweek: look at the dates of the last time we messaged Craig

Craig: …. Tweek

Tweek: save the apologies. Im busy

Tweek lied. He wasn’t busy. He was listening to kpop and blogging and tweeting. He sure was busy updating all of his social media, which he made sure not to give out to irls, updated about the bullshit. People online responded in all sorts of fashion. Tweek had always been open about the shit he went through with this group and his emotions. People told him to give Craig a second chance. Others said to chop his dick off. Tweek smiled and looked over the notifications. People were wild. Tweek closed his eyes and fell asleep.

He woke up when someone was shaking him. “The hell?” he groaned. Tweek cracked open his eyes. “Fuck. Craig?” Craig nodded “me. Let’s go.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I want to sleep and actually enjoy my time. Don’t force yourself to hang out with me out of pity.”

“Tweek. That’s-“

“Save it. Let me sleep.”

Tweek figured Craig would leave. He heard some shuffling and then Tweek was lifted off the bed. “What the fuck?” Tweek asked. Craig tsked “you swear a lot now.” Tweek huffed “put me down.”

“No.”

“Craig. Now.”

“I’m going to pretend your demanding voice doesn’t give me tingles.”

“I want to die.”

“Don’t joke about that, please.”

“Who says I’m joking?” Tweek mumbled.

Craig stopped and took a deep breath. “Tweek, I know we haven’t been good to you. I know we left you behind. I know you’ve been struggling. But please don’t die.”

“You can’t fucking tell me what to do.”

Craig threw Tweek into the car and drove them to the Taco Bell a town or two over. Craig bought a few of the group’s favorite orders. Craig turned to Tweek who waved him away. Craig still ordered what Tweek used to get. “I’m not hungry.”

“I doubt you’ve eaten today.”

“Yeah, but I hardly eat anymore. So this is nothing.”

“I’m shoving food down your throat.”

“Kinky.”

“You’ve changed a lot.”

“You haven’t talked to me in a while, so I’ve changed some.”

 Craig sighed and drove up to the window so he could pay.

The two were silent in the car ride home. Craig was getting angrier at Tweek for acting the way he was. Craig knew he had really left Tweek and Tweek wasn’t happy. Craig noticed a lot of Tweeks problems and decline, but he didn’t know to do. Craig felt like shit for letting Tweek decline like that. He felt fear when he realized Tweek wasn’t caring about his appearance. Tweek had always put a lot of effort into his outfits. He was so observant of all the stares and judging. Craig noticed Tweek eating less and being gone more and more often during class or lunch. Craig realized he fucked up with protecting Tweek and making him happy. But Craig really wished Tweeks personality hadn’t don’t a 180 and changed. He liked the shy, but confident Tweek. The old Tweek who stood up for himself and was sweet and caring. He knew trust between the two had all but shattered completely, but he was going to try and make this right. He would start small. Craig would text him more. Maybe visit him in the library during lunch, making sure he ate. He would visit Tweek and talk to him. Craig could do this. He could bring Tweek back.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote the beginning during an extreme suicidal breakdown so ooooof thats there, but i gave Tweek a better ending then im gonna have skrskr. ahahah i havent liked anything ive been writing so yeh. tell me what yall think. leave prompts please maybe itll help.


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